Blog posts about the Rabbi Aviva Cohen Mysteries and their author Rabbi Ilene Schneider

Archive for August, 2018

THE RABBI AVIVA COHEN IN ACTION AND INACTION FIGURES

I realized the other day that I had neglected an important aspect of marketing my books: merchandizing. So I have created A Modest Proposal for the Rabbi Aviva Cohen In Action and Inaction Figures (3 in each category).

Each figure will be smaller and wider than normal and will come standard with unruly white-streaked red curls, glasses, saggy boobs, and flat feet.

I hope Mattel, Hasbro, and other manufacturers of action figures, including Lego, are reading.

The Rabbi Aviva Cohen In Action Figures

PULPIT RABBI AVIVA COHEN

  • Plain solid colored dress
  • Tallit (prayer shawl)
  • Color-coordinated kippot (yarmulkes)
  • Siddur (prayer book)
  • Wireless microphone
  • Torah scroll

BIRDER RABBI AVIVA COHEN

  • Tan colored multi-pocket vest
  • Loose fitting pants with socks pulled up over the cuffs
  • Long-sleeved t-shirt with pictures of birds
  • Sneakers
  • Binoculars
  • Spotting scope
  • Camera with attachment for digiscoping
  • iPhone open to birding app
  • Back up birding guide
  • Waterproof notebook and pen
  • List of recently spotted rare birds
  • Water bottle
  • 100% Deet insect and tick repellent

GARDENER RABBI AVIVA COHEN

  • Torn jeans
  • Dirty and faded t-shirt
  • Water-proof crocs
  • Trowel, shovel, and other garden tools
  • Wheelbarrow
  • Pots of native plants for perennial garden
  • Pots of vegetables ready for transplanting
  • Packets of seeds
  • Hose and extra-large watering can
  • Mulch
  • Compost
  • Organic topsoil
  • Peat moss
  • Perlite
  • Organic fertilizer
  • Blood meal

The Rabbi Aviva Cohen Inaction Figures

COFFEE SHOP RABBI AVIVA COHEN

  • Clean jeans
  • Nice top
  • iPhone open to Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts app
  • Kindle
  • Laptop open to Netflix or Britbox
  • MS Word open to sermon file in case congregant walks in

MOVIE GOER RABBI AVIVA COHEN

  • Jeans
  • T-shirt
  • iPhone open to reviews on iMDB or Rotten Tomatoes
  • AMC or Cinemark rewards card
  • Huge tub of real butter-layered popcorn
  • Napkins
  • Large cup of Diet Coke

COUCH POTATO RABBI AVIVA COHEN

  • Pajamas
  • TV remote
  • Kindle
  • Print newspaper
  • Crossword puzzle magazine
  • Large bowl of hot air popped corn drowned in butter and salt
  • Glass of flat Diet Coke
  • Cat cuddled up on lap

 

 

Category:

WRITING