rabbi.author

(TO VIEW THE INSPIRATION FOR THIS “LETTER,” CLICK ON: http://www.cncbooks.com/blog/2012/03/06/an-age-old-dilemma/)

Thank you for your interest in the manuscript of my first novel, Starlight Shines on Starlight Manor Nursing Home. You have asked me for a market proposal. I thought it was the publisher’s job to distribute the books. But I tried anyway. I took the nursing home bus when it made its weekly run to the supermarket – my aide usually buys me my supply of Ensure –  and I talked to the manager, but he said they do not sell books.

I promise you that my family, my fellow nursing home residents, and the staff will buy the book. They know I have named all the characters after them.

My great grandson said I need to learn to use a computer. He is the one who “scanned” (he said it was like teletype) the typewritten manuscript (I even used an electric typewriter!) to send to you electronically. He did show me how to turn on the computer, and he even set up an “email account” for me, but until I have my cataract surgery, it is too hard for me to sit in front of the glowing screen. I even find it hard to watch my favorite soap operas most afternoons. I am dictating this letter and he is typing it into the computer for me.

By the time the book is published, I will have had both knees and hips replaced, and will be able to walk by myself to the refrigerator for the food to attach to my feeding tube. I might have to delay the orthopedic surgeries, though, until I recuperate from the heart bypass surgery. I am not sure I will be able to travel by airplane to appear on Oprah or The View, as I doubt oxygen tanks can be taken on airplanes. But, do not worry, I have all my wits and all my own teeth, and, at 97, can play a mean game of whee bowling while seated in my wheel chair.

I always thought it would be fun to write a book. What a wonderful hobby for a retiree!

I look forward to hearing from you again, but you will have to send me a message by regular mail. My great grandson is going back to college, and I am afraid if I try to turn on the “email” by myself, I will “crash the internet.” I don’t know what that means, but I remember when Wall Street crashed back in ’29, so it cannot be good.

Sincerely yours, Mrs. Penelope Snoodle

Proud widow of the late Wilfred Snoodle III

Author of Starlight Shines on Starlight Manor Nursing Home