Rabbi Aviva Cohen is a twice- divorced woman of a certain age with no children and a comfortable, undemanding, and unchallenging job as the rabbi of a small congregation located in a university town in South Jersey about 15 miles east of Philadelphia and nestled between suburban sprawl and the Pine Barrens. She juggles dealing with her unconventional family – her niece and niece’s wife and their two children, her elderly, feisty mother in Boston, and her stick-in-the-mud sister in Florida – while investigating suspicious deaths to the chagrin of her academic-turned-police chief first ex-husband.
A review in http://www.nycitywoman.com/six-books-to-read-in-october/ (scroll down past the featured novels) of the original Talk Dirty Yiddish at http://www.nycitywoman.com/six-books-to-read-in-october/.
[Unfortunately, this edition is out-of-print, although some copies are still available. Fortunately, the new, revised, expanded version (“30% longer! 30% funnier!”), TALKING DIRTY – IN YIDDISH?, has been issued by my publisher Aakenbaaken and Kent in both paperback and Kindle (https://tinyurl.com/y8pjvgt7 or https://tinyurl.com/ya843kyt).]
“If you have run out of words to describe your feelings about politics, the price of theater tickets or your daughter-in-law’s cooking, have I got a book for you! Talk Dirty in Yiddish by Ilene Schneider, will enable you to articulate your inner angst with surgical precision. No other language offers as many inventive curses, comical expressions and hilarious witticisms. You may know what a shmear is, but how about forshpeis or geshmakt? Each Yiddish word or expression is followed by an example of how to use it in English conversation. Why tell your annoying neighbor to pick up after her incontinent cockapoo when you can sweetly tell her (in Yiddish) to be a chandelier…hang by day and burn by night. Who would write such a book? A rabbi, of course! –Stacia Friedman”
I realized the other day that I had neglected an important aspect of marketing my books: merchandizing. So I have created A Modest Proposal for the Rabbi Aviva Cohen In Action and Inaction Figures (3 in each category).
Each figure will be smaller and wider than normal and will come standard with unruly white-streaked red curls, glasses, saggy boobs, and flat feet.
I hope Mattel, Hasbro, and other manufacturers of action figures, including Lego, are reading.
The Rabbi Aviva Cohen In Action Figures
PULPIT RABBI AVIVA COHEN
- Plain solid colored dress
- Tallit (prayer shawl)
- Color-coordinated kippot (yarmulkes)
- Siddur (prayer book)
- Wireless microphone
- Torah scroll
BIRDER RABBI AVIVA COHEN
- Tan colored multi-pocket vest
- Loose fitting pants with socks pulled up over the cuffs
- Long-sleeved t-shirt with pictures of birds
- Spotting scope
- Camera with attachment for digiscoping
- iPhone open to birding app
- Back up birding guide
- Waterproof notebook and pen
- List of recently spotted rare birds
- Water bottle
- 100% Deet insect and tick repellent
GARDENER RABBI AVIVA COHEN
- Torn jeans
- Dirty and faded t-shirt
- Water-proof crocs
- Trowel, shovel, and other garden tools
- Pots of native plants for perennial garden
- Pots of vegetables ready for transplanting
- Packets of seeds
- Hose and extra-large watering can
- Organic topsoil
- Peat moss
- Organic fertilizer
- Blood meal
The Rabbi Aviva Cohen Inaction Figures
COFFEE SHOP RABBI AVIVA COHEN
- Clean jeans
- Nice top
- iPhone open to Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts app
- Laptop open to Netflix or Britbox
- MS Word open to sermon file in case congregant walks in
MOVIE GOER RABBI AVIVA COHEN
- iPhone open to reviews on iMDB or Rotten Tomatoes
- AMC or Cinemark rewards card
- Huge tub of real butter-layered popcorn
- Large cup of Diet Coke
COUCH POTATO RABBI AVIVA COHEN
- TV remote
- Print newspaper
- Crossword puzzle magazine
- Large bowl of hot air popped corn drowned in butter and salt
- Glass of flat Diet Coke
- Cat cuddled up on lap
What a nice way to start the day! I was checking for a book on Amazon and decided to sneak a peak at my books’ reviews. I found a new one for YOM KILLER. Thank you to the reviewer for your kind words.
“A winner – Buy this book if you enjoy cozies! Rabbi Aviva Cohen is a strong, funny woman and loveable character. This is the first of the Rabbi Cohen mysteries I’ve read, and I plan to read the rest. I enjoy “cozies”, mystery novels not saturated with gore and over the top sex. The author, Rabbi Schneider, does not disappoint. She welcomes you gently into her tight circle of friends and family, entices you with her wonderfully dry sense of humor drawing you down her path of suspense.”
Apologies to those of you who may be having difficulty finding print copies of Chanukah Guilt and Unleavened Dead from Amazon. I received my rights back from Oak Tree Press, and my new publisher, Aakenbaaken and Kent, is re-issuing them. The new Kindle edition of Chanukah Guilt is available: (https://tinyurl.com/ydb4rryg). The others will be available soon.
And, of course, you can still purchase YOM KILLER (http://tinyurl.com/jmd44oh for trade paperback; and http://tinyurl.com/hcjowp6 for Kindle) and TALKING DIRTY – IN YIDDISH? (https://tinyurl.com/y8pjvgt7).
Thank you for your patience during this transition period.
From another 5-star review of YOM KILLER on Amazon (and DorothyL): “This story touches on a subject that many of us have, or are perhaps currently dealing with: Medicare issues, senior facilities, and caring for elderly relatives or parents. Told with compassion and humor, and a light and easy approach to Judaism that won’t overwhelm those who know little about the faith. I highly recommend this book, and indeed the entire series, which consists of three books so far: Unleavened Dead, Chanukah Guilt, and Yom Killer.