rabbi.author

   Not much. But, in all fairness, it has been only just over two weeks, including days I would have been off anyway (New Years, weekends) and bad weather days when I would have worked from home.

   When people ask me how I’m enjoying being retired, I answer with a grin. Although, I am still in a period of adjustment.

    I’m having no problem with not going to work, but I’m still not used to having flexibility with my time. I don’t have to wait for a weekend or day off to wash my hair, do my nails, fill my birdfeeders, do laundry. I still put off the laundry until my underwear drawer is almost empty and the hamper is overflowing, but I don’t have to; it’s now out of choice (sounds better than “procrastination”), not lack of time. I don’t have to make appointments for haircuts or doctors in the early morning or late afternoons; I can take the first available opening. I can visit my parents in Florida (heading down there next week) without counting how much paid time off I have accumulated. Even better, if my return flight is canceled because of a blizzard, I can delay returning until the snow melts, maybe in April.

    It’s weird to drive past a nursing home facility and realize I don’t need to make visits there. And it’s nice to be able do errands whenever I feel like it rather than when I’m going to be visiting patients who live near the stores I want to go to. And I’ve been able to take care of minor errands I’d been putting off because I didn’t want to take the time while working to go, for example, to a craft shop to pick up jewelry glue to fix a ring. Or to get the tire pressure checked.

    I have even (blasphemy!) joined a gym so I can use the stationary bike. My goal is to be able to stand up from the low couch with the broken down cushions without having to rock back and forth to build up some momentum. And to walk upstairs without pulling myself up with both hands on the railing. (It’s either exercise or buy a new couch and a new house on one floor. Neither is an option until I hit the lottery or sign a seven-figure book contract, both of which have an equal chance of happening. And I never buy lottery tickets.)

    Other retirement plans include scanning our thousands of pictures into the computer. First, I need to organize the two huge boxes of pictures that have been in our family room for almost two years. No more excuses that I haven’t the time or energy to sort through them and get rid of multiple wallet-sized school pictures. I have taken the first step: the photo scanner is on the family room coffee table.

    I’m also going to clear out the coat closet. And the desk. And make a list of all the DVDs we own. And … well, you get the idea.

    I volunteered to be treasurer of the Burlington County Natural Sciences Club. I’m going to call the Rancocas Nature Center, where I used to work, to see if they have an open shift in the bookstore.

    I think I’ve finally sorted through all my emails. Now I have to see if those who wrote me about my doing guest blogs for them are still interested. And I need to continue with my book promos and writing the Rabbi Aviva Cohen Mystery #3, Yom Killer.

    Yesterday, my younger  son called in the mid-afternoon to let me know he was home. I said I probably wouldn’t see him until I got home after the board meeting of the Friends of the Library. His response: “I thought you were retired.”

    I am. But, as one of my friends said, “You’re not retired. You’re re-tired. You had new tires put on.”

    Yup, and enjoying the smoother ride

It is traditional on Chanukah to eat any food that has been fried in oil. For some reason, though, we tend to restrict ourselves to two items: latkes and donuts. So here are my suggestions to diversify our menu for each day of the holiday. It’s geared toward this year, but can be adapted for any.

1. Wednesday night: Fried hamburger (Forget the broiler or the grill; my grandmother from Ukraine used to make this for me whenever I visited, so I consider fried hamburgers to be traditional Eastern European Bubbe Food.)
2. Thursday dinner and Friday lunch: Fried turkey (Good any year, but perfect for that once-in-a-lifetime convergence of Chanukah and Thanksgiving.)
3. Friday night: Fried chicken (Very appropriate for Erev Shabbat.)
4. Saturday brunch: French toast (Tastes best when made with butter rather than oil, in my opinion, but it’s still a wonderful way to use up the challah from Friday night. And continue the butter theme on Saturday night with a big bowl of popcorn.)
5. Sunday: Fish and chips (The greasier, the better.)
6. Monday: Chicken fried steak (No idea how it tastes; I’ve only seen it on menus.)
7. Tuesday: Fried flounder (So much tastier than broiled or baked.)
8. Wednesday: Fried anything and everything (onion rings, broccoli, zucchini, mushrooms, pickles, Oreos …. The list is endless.)

Experiment and mix it up this Chanukah. It’s a holiday, so the calories and cholesterol don’t count. And I guarantee that if you eat all these staples of American non-haute cuisine this week, you will need to have your stomach stapled.

My memories of this day and weekend of 50 years ago are the same yet different from most people’s. The same in that I share the same experiences as the rest of the country (and world) watching the events unfold on TV. Yes, I do remember where I was when I heard JFK had been assassinated. Yes, I remember watching as Oswald was gunned down. Yes, I remember the catch in my throat when John, Jr. saluted his father’s coffin. 

But my memories are different from other people’s, too, in that they are intertwined with other memories that are far more personal. Yes, I was mesmerized by the TV, but it wasn’t at my house. It was at my parents’ best friends’ house, where I was helping babysit their children, whose mother was in the hospital after suffering an aneurysim. She was fortunate: it leaked instead of burst. It was repaired successfully repaired surgically, and today, fifty years later, she is still with us, living in Florida not far from my parents.

But I have an even more powerful and personal connection with November 22, 1963. It was my cousin Peter’s 15^th birthday. We got together as planned at his house, a modern split level in West Roxbury, a neighborhood of Boston, to celebrate the day. But instead of singing “Happy Birthday” and opening gifts, the family sat in front of the TV and tried to comprehend the enormity of what we were witnessing.2

Six-and-a-half years later, Peter, too, was dead. He suffered massive brain damage caused when a speeding station wagon skidded on a wet road and slammed into his VW bug. He had parked on the shoulder until the storm passed. The impact was so hard that his seat belt was pulled from its mooring. Ironically, one of the physicians who consulted on Peter’s case also treated JFK .

Peter and I were first cousins, once removed. His mother and my paternal grandmother were sisters. We all lived in the same house, a three-family Queen Anne Victorian my great-grandfather (the grandfather Peter was named for) had bought around 1907, in Roxbury, then a new “streetcar suburb.” Peter’s family lived on the first floor; my grandmother and great-grandmother and aunt lived on the second; my parents and I on the third, in the attic apartment originally designed for the housekeeper. My great-grandmother, grandmother, and great-aunt all became widows within about three years of each other.

Peter was five weeks older than I am. We shared the same gene for red hair, as did my great-aunt. Whenever my mother would take the two of us out for a walk in the stroller, people would stop her and say, “Oh, how cute. Are they twins?” And my mother would answer, with a straight face, “No, they’re five weeks apart,” and then walk on before the questioner could react. (They would also stop my then twenty-one year old mother and ask her how much she charged for babysitting.)

 We moved from Roxbury when I was about four years old. But Peter and I still saw each other frequently. We were like twins.

Even the most universal and shattering event can have a personal dimension that overshadows it. I can never think about JFK’s assassination without thinking about Peter.

I still miss him. Happy 65^th birthday, Peter.