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2012 NON-RESOLUTION RESOLUTIONS

The ubiquitous they always say we should not make resolutions, as it just sets us up for failure. I generally don’t follow most popular advice, but I do in this case. I don’t make resolutions.

Weight loss? Forty years of futility have taught me that it if I want to have a better BMI, it would be easier for me to grow taller. Exercise more? I suppose it’s possible, as there’s no way I could exercise less. De-clutter and reorganize the house? Only if I win the lottery and hire someone to do it, and the chances of my winning the lottery are the same as the chances I’ll become a professional singer.

But, for some unfathomable reason, I decided this year to come up with a list of 12 probably attainable resolutions. I’m sure there are a lot of others I could list, but you’ll note that “stop being so lazy” is not included. Neither is “stop procrastinating,” so I’ll add more at another time. If I feel like it.

1. Update this blog weekly. Okay, monthly. Well, more often than every six months. I’m already off to a good start, as today’s Jan. 1.
2. Work regularly on the third Rabbi Aviva Cohen mystery, Yom Killer. Then, when Unleavened Dead is published (from my mouth to God’s ears; kenahora;tu-tu-tu), the next book will be ready to go into production.
3. Go birding more often. I’m already off to a good start on this resolution, too, as I spent the day at the Forsythe NWR (aka Brig). And I plan to take a detour to Corkscrew Swamp and Ding Darling NWR on Sanibel Island when I drive from my parents’ house in Boynton Beach to Orlando for Sleuthfest in February.
4. Don’t buy any more books about birding until I read the ones I’ve already bought.
5. Don’t buy any more Kindle books until I read all the ones on my to-be-read list.
6. Don’t buy any more DVDs until I watch all the ones that are still shrink-wrapped.
7. Don’t TiVo any shows or movies unless I am really going to watch them within the next six months.
8. Place resolutions 4, 5, 6, and 7 into the unrealistic category.
9. Watch season 2 of “Homeland” and “Game of Thrones.”  (Try and stop me!)
10. Read Game of Thrones. All 5 volumes. Or 6 or 7 or how many are published by the time I get through the ones already in print.
11. Get to Israel this year. It’s been too long. And try to go during the height of the bird migration.  I’ve already started googling “birding tours in Israel.”
12. Stop obsessing about my ranking on Amazon. It’s meaningless. Except when it’s a high ranking.

Writing, birding, reading, traveling. Yup. I can do all of those.

Happy 2012. May all your resolutions be easy ones to fulfill.

1 Comment

1. 

   sunnyfrazier said,

   January 4, 2012 at 1:07 pm  · Edit

   I loved #8. Good to know when goals are unrealistic. But, isn’t life all about breaking our resolutions to get to the fun stuff? And, there’s always a chance you’ll catch up on reading, watching DVD’s and clearing your TiVo. A remote chance, but who knows?

   Reply

SELF-PUBLISH OR PERISH?

Jeff Cohen, a fellow writer, who is not a top bestselling author but, in a fair world, would be (in a fair world, so would I!), posted on Facebook: “I’ve turned down a $500,000 offer to self-publish in favor of a contract with a traditional publisher.” My first reaction was, “Ah, one of his typical off-the-wall comments written in what someone (Jeff?) refers to as ‘the native language of New Jersey: sarcasm.’”

Then I read that Barry Eisler, who is often (always?) on the bestseller lists, refused a $500,000 contract with a traditional publisher in order to self-publish. My first reactions were, in no particular order, since they were simultaneous:

1. Is he off his gourd?
2. Can he transfer the contract to me?
3. What is he drinking/inhaling/injecting?
4. I hope he lives a long, healthy life. If anything
suspicious happens to him, his agent will be the
prime suspect.
5. Is he off his gourd?

According to the interview, he was discussing with his family what he should ask for in his next contract, and his eleven-year-old daughter said, “Daddy, why don’t you self publish?” He ran the math, and came to the conclusion, “Why not?”

His exact words in the interview were: “I know it’ll seem crazy to a lot of people, but based on what’s happening in the industry, and based on the kind of experience writers like you [J A Kornrath, author, blogger, and interviewer] are having in self-publishing, I think I can do better in the long term on my own.” (You can read the full interview at http://jakonrath.blogspot.com/2011/03/ebooks-and-self-publishing-dialog.html)

(In the interest of disclosing both sides of the issue, I should note that Amanda Hocking, an author who is a legend among self-published writers for her success, has been wooing traditional publishers, some of whom have reportedly offered her in excess of seven figures.)

As I shop around UNLEAVENED DEAD, and wait for a phone call or email offering me a three-figure contract, or maybe a free trip to a writers’ conference or at least a drink at the hotel bar, I wonder, “Hmm, maybe I should look into self-publishing my work.”

I have already decided that I don’t want to do e-publishing only. I have nothing against e-publishing. Both my published books are also on Kindle, and doing well there. But if I should release a book as an e-book, I would also self-publish it as a hard copy, mainly because my biggest fan base – my parents and their friends – generally don’t have e-readers, don’t want e-readers, and want me to inscribe their copy of my books. (Although my father-in-law, who doesn’t even use a computer, is thinking seriously about buying a Kindle after seeing mine.)

So I began to make a list, not so much of pros and cons, but of “on-the-one-hands” (hereafter known as OTOH) and “on-the-other-other-hands” (OTOOH). Here are my random thoughts:

OTOH, as a self-publisher, I wouldn’t have to share any profits with an agent.

OTOOH, I don’t have an agent.

OTOH, as the rules are right now, I could not apply to be a full member of the Mystery Writers of America.

OTOOH, CHANUKAH GUILT was published by a small, independent press (now sadly defunct) that was not approved by the MWA, so I can be only an affiliate member anyway.

OTOH, with a traditional publisher, I’d have a PR staff to market the book.

OTOOH, yeah, right.

OTOH, with a traditional publisher, even a small, independent press, defunct or not, I am able to boast with false pride, “I just got my royalty statement.”

OTOOH, it might be nice to earn more than a couple of dollars per quarter. (Or is it a couple of quarters per book?)

OTOH, UNLEAVENED DEAD would be published by now. (I know I finished writing it less than three months ago, but I’m the impatient type.)

OTOOH, I need someone to edit out my overly enthusiastic verbosity. Not to mention find the typos my parents may have missed.

OTOH, I cannot edit myself.

OTOOH, I hate when someone else edits me. (“You can’t cut that scene! I had too much fun writing it!” Ah, but will the reader have fun reading it? I can’t judge my own work.)

So, bottom line, there is no bottom line. I’ll give the traditional publishers and the mainstream agents a few more months before they reject the manuscript. Then I’ll revisit the issue.

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12 Comments

Larriane aka Larion Wills said,

March 23, 2011 at 7:56 pm · Edit

yep, I agree. lol

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Dad said,

March 23, 2011 at 9:06 pm · Edit

Try your mother. She does a pretty good job editing my memoirs. She doesn’t miss a misspelled word, wrong date or contradiction. And you don’t have to pay her. On the other hand, I would do it but you can be sure that I will not find a single error unless spell check flags it.

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Mike Pollock said,

March 23, 2011 at 9:48 pm · Edit

Have that publisher send me that offer. I self published my book From Death’s Door to Disney World Infinity Publishing. So far I am pleased with the publisher. I only had to invest a few hundred dollars. They are print on demand. I am having success in marketing and have two national publications doing revues. The royalty checks are nice but believe me I’m not turning down a reasonable offer. By the way Simon And Schuster asked me to send them a copy of the manuscript, kept me on hold for a year and never read it.

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Jenny Milchman said,

March 23, 2011 at 10:00 pm · Edit

1) This was very funny
2) The best post I’ve read on this subject, and it wasn’t the Barry/Joe hour/interview, was a very balanced piece saying that both self-pubbing and traditional, paying markets are viable options and it depends on the book, the time, and the writer’s goals
3) This was very funny
4) Good luck!

Reply

CARL BROOKINS said,

March 23, 2011 at 10:08 pm · Edit

There’s nothing wrong with publishing in paper. In fact, modern technology makes it possible to get printed and bound softcover (trade paper) editions self-published often referred to as Print on Demand (POD) that are completely professional. And you can get them in really small amounts from responsible printers. The question however, is not publish or perish.

The real question is what is your purpose? Is this a career decision (As it is for Konrath and Eisler)
or is this a hobby? If you intend to make writing a career, you need to take a business-like approach to all the decisions you make. And, in the process, why not consider both epublishing and the traditional path? There are advantages and problems with both.

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Hallie Ephron said,

March 24, 2011 at 7:04 am · Edit

Oh, Ilene… I’m rooting for you to snag a great agent and then sell to a ‘real’ publisher and then, lord willing and the creek don’t rise, CASH ROYALTY CHECKS. Many of them. From my mouth to you-know-who’s ear, right? As someone who loves her publisher, adores her agent, and has the great good fortune to be well published, all I can think is those numbers Eisler cranked must be very compelling.

Reply

Karyne Corum said,

March 24, 2011 at 11:44 am · Edit

I loved it. I think you gotta see whats truly going on in the publishing world before you say “I’d never…”. Self-publishing used to be called vanity press, I believe, because you’d have to be incredibly vain to think anyone would want to read your work. Now, I feel it’s more about recognizing, with some help with good critiques and editing, your own self-worth and talent, without the elusive socially acceptable label from Big Publishing.

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Lesley A. Diehl said,

March 24, 2011 at 12:50 pm · Edit

Hey, I walked down the hall past Barry last year at the Sleuthfest conference, so I think I have an in with him. Maybe with my great pull I could get him to transfer the contract to me and I’d share it with you. Of course, I would.

Such a funny article and so true.

Reply

Dory Stewart said,

March 24, 2011 at 3:53 pm · Edit

Ilene,
Nice to be able to mention ‘self pub’ without fear of review, LOL.

It’s a subject that needs to be addressed, especially in the wake of all the media hype surrounding it.

When you do decide to ‘re-visit’ the issue, here are some points you may wish to ponder:

Name recognition is the single most sales generator.
Patterson, King, and Roberts could dump their publishers, agents tomorrow and probably do quite well. (even when they produce an occassional ‘under par’ tome.

The person(s) they CAN’T dump are their copy ed, content/developmental eds. SOMEONE needs to be on board to ‘literally’ kick butt when it comes time to call an MS a ‘finished work’. Period. Folks I stated above are all to familiar with that fact.

Successful mid-list folks could probably make a few more bucks if their end product is of consistent quality. And they have a decent following.

Now, The NOVICE. . . ah, hmmm….well, you could take a stab at it….IF you have a large family, tons of friends – all with a lot of money….

Three key elements: EDITING, EDITING, EDITING

The down sides are: A contract with a traditonal pub makes you feel validated…and YOU WILL DO as the editor tells you, or don’t let the door hit you in the butt on your way out. If you’re difficult to get along with, news travels fast in the pub industry – about as fast as imprint change eds.

Going Self pub, you PAY and it isn’t cheap. How do you know if you’ve got someone who knows what the market will accept.
A good editor is a voracious reader and doesn’t pull punches when it comes to vetting your MS.

And you don’t have an ed hovering over your work; someone you feel you have to please.

There are no letters of rejection. For MY $$ those letters help hone a writer’s craft. It’s one of the tools that help writers to toughen up, and learn patience and humility.

It’s easy to self-pub a lesser quality MS…..Your name’s on it for perpetuity if it’s good OR bad….Either way, it will follow you.

Should you make a decision to self-pub the first thing to do is learn the different kinds of editors! Find a good one and trust them.
Wish you luck, and hope I’ve given you some thoughts to consider.

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Susan Oleksiw said,

March 24, 2011 at 4:27 pm · Edit

LOL, LOL, LOL
If we all self-publish, what will happen to the New York Times best seller list?

Reply

Marja McGraw said,

March 24, 2011 at 5:50 pm · Edit

You got my attention by starting off with Jeff Cohen’s name. I thoroughly enjoy his books. And you kept my attention with your humor. OTOH, you made some good points. , you made more good points. Wonderful article!

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Stephen Brayton said,

March 24, 2011 at 9:42 pm · Edit

I remembe the words of Jeffrey Deaver at the last conference i attended. This is a business. You create a product. You have to create a prodcut people want. if you’re writing for yourself, write a journal, publish a self promoting blog. If your’e writing for others, you have to give them what they want. Businesses are in the business of making a profit. If you don’t make a profit, you go out of business. Think about what you want, what you’re giving, and it still comes down to what is best for you.

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HOW RABBI AVIVA COHEN MET SAMMY GREENE

Last year, my fellow writers (and friends) Deborah Shlian and Linda Reid asked me to be a guest blogger on their Sammy Greene site. Sammy is the protagonist of two of their mystery novels, DEAD AIR and DEVIL WIND. I decided to write a short piece describing how Deborah’s and Linda’s ficticious character and mine could have met. Here’s the answer:

Back story (from Chanukah Guilt): “Actually I’m a throwback to some great-great whatever; I met a second cousin at my father’s funeral fifteen years ago (author’s note: 1987), and we could have been twins.”

March 1, 2011

I picked up the phone, and heard Trudy’s voice. As usual, my niece didn’t bother to say “Hello,” but launched right into her part of the conversation. “Josh has gotten into genealogy.”

“That’s better than his last obsession. I was afraid he had moved on to Europe.” I said. My eleven-year-old great nephew has Asperger’s Syndrome and latches onto obscure interests which he fanatically shares with everyone, whether or not they’re interested. His previous hobby was memorizing the subway routes in every major city of the U.S., in case he ever visited there. I really did not care about the easiest way to get from Nob Hill to Berkeley, and was afraid I would now be subjected to a lecture on the various routes from the Eiffel Tower to the Tuileries. “At least genealogy is more socially acceptable than subway routes.”

“True. Anyway, he found out something interesting. Did you know we had a great-aunt Rose? Well, my great-great aunt, I guess, and Josh’s three times great. Her husband was Great-grandpa – your  Grandpa David’s – brother. Did he ever mention him to you?”

“The name’s familiar . . . . Let me think a minute . . . . I remember now: he once told me that when he came to the U.S. as a young man – have Josh check, but I think it was around 1919 – his parents stayed in Poland with the younger children. He told me he was the oldest and the youngest was a lot younger. There were a lot of kids in between. He felt guilty that he was able to come here before the immigration quotas stranded the rest of his family. He thought they all died in the Holocaust. But the name Aunt Rose . . . Got it! You must remember , too. It was during the shivah for Dad, Granddad to you . . .

April, 1987

It was the third day of shivah, and the house was packed. Old lefties, union organizers, new lefties turned yuppies, feminists still proud of the label, customers, neighbors, relatives . . . everyone turned out to console my Mom Ruth on the death of her husband Simon after fifty-seven years of marriage. My sister Jean and I needed consoling, too, Jean more than I did. But then she always did think I had no family loyalty, especially after I moved to the Philadelphia area and her daughter Trudy, only five years younger than I am, followed shortly thereafter.

I was looking through the cornucopia of goodies people had brought, searching for something – anything – with chocolate when I felt a draft from the open front door. I looked up and saw two unfamiliar faces, an older woman in a drab overcoat and sensible shoes holding the hand of a young girl with curly red hair. The woman had the kind of careworn face that could have belonged to anyone from age forty to eighty, although I suspected she was on the upper end of that age range. The girl, cute, eyes bright with curiosity, looking around her absorbing everything in the room, could have been a tall eight-year-old or a short prepubescent who hadn’t yet hit her hormone-fueled growth spurt.

I couldn’t help staring at the girl. I felt as though I was looking in a mirror from twenty-five years ago.

I sidled over to where my mother was arguing nuclear disarmament with a neighbor who was probably the only Republican in the neighborhood. My mother’s mission in life, among her many other purposes, was to convert him. She didn’t care that he wasn’t Jewish, but she cared deeply that he was a Reagan supporter.

“Mom, I need to ask you something.” I smiled at our neighbor who was relieved to be saved from my mother’s ravings about the perfidy of a man who had the chutzpah to go from being the president of the Screen Actors Guild – “a union, in case you don’t know” – to a dyed-in-the-wool conservative.

I scanned the room and spotted the two strangers. “Who is that older woman?”

My mother gave me a scathing look. “She’s not that old.” She peered myopically – at seventy-three, she still refused to wear glasses except for reading – and squealed. “That must be Aunt Rose. Oh, my, is that little Sammy with her? Oy, Gottenu, such a tragedy there. Thank God, you never suffered what she did.” (For an avowed atheist, my mother invokes the name of the deity a lot.)

“What do you mean?”

“The poor child. Her father ran off to LA with some kurvah.” For someone born in the US, my mother has an inordinate love of Yiddish. A kurvah is a whore, especially one who would run off with another woman’s husband. “And then the poor little girl – she couldn’t have been more than seven at the time – came home from school and found her mother dead. A suicide. The father didn’t want her, there were no other relatives, so her grandmother is raising her.”

“Why have I never heard about them? How are they related? Or did you call her ‘aunt’ out of respect, like Aunt Bella two doors down?”

“Rose’s husband was Grandpa David’s brother. He thought they were all killed in the Holocaust.  After the war, Grandpa started searching through the Red Cross and HIAS, but couldn’t find any trace of the family. Then he found out that his youngest brother Yossi and his wife had managed to leave Poland in 1939, just in time. They settled in Brooklyn. Grandpa David got in touch with him, but for some reason they weren’t really interested in keeping in touch. We tried, but Yossi – I think he was using the name Joseph by then – didn’t even remember Grandpa David, there was such an age difference between them. Even more than between you and your sister. And after Yossi died, his wife Rose sent out Rosh Hashanah cards and sent us sporadic news when something noteworthy happened, but that was all.”

“Put on your glasses, Mom, and take a good look at the girl.”

“I can see just fine, thank you very much.” She pulled down her glasses from the top of her head and put them on anyway. “Oh! She’s the spitting image of you at that age!”

“Weird, isn’t it? We must be the only two red-heads in the family. I’m going over to talk to her.”

Our two new visitors had moved deeper into the room, and Aunt Rose was looking around, probably for a familiar face. Before I got to them, though, my sister Jean waylaid me.

“Spring!” I hate my given name, and used my Hebrew one, Aviva, instead. If I had been born in the Sixties, I’d have the excuse that my parents were hippies, but I missed out on the Summer of Love by over fifteen years. The only reason for my name is that my mother is nuts.

“It’s Aviva, remember?”

“Get over here, Spring. I need to talk to you.” My sister pulled me to a corner of the room. “See that woman there?” She lifted her chin toward the general area where Aunt Rose had last been standing. “Look at the girl with her. Have you something to tell me?”

I must have looked perplexed because Jean became even more belligerent. “Don’t give me that innocent look. That girl looks just like you. Did you have a child out of wedlock and give it up for adoption?”

I wasn’t sure whether to be outraged or amused, so I went with the latter and burst out laughing. “Oh, Jean, come on. You’d love that, wouldn’t you? A nice, juicy scandal to add to your list of grievances against me, beginning with my birth fifteen years after you, when Mom and Dad shouldn’t have been shtupping.”

“Show some respect,” Jean actually hissed. “It’s our father’s shivah!”

“And he would have been the first to laugh. No, the second, after Mom.” I stopped laughing long enough to tell Jean what our mother had related to me. “I was just going over there to introduce myself.”

“No, I’ll do it. I’m the oldest.” Jean might be fifty years old, but adolescent sibling rivalry is still her favorite mode of dealing with me.

Still chuckling, I let Jean go make the introduction, while I searched out my niece Trudy. She was with a rather no-nonsense looking woman, wearing chinos and short, almost mannish hair, and with warm, brown eyes that radiated kindness. “Aunt Aviva, I want you to meet my friend, Sherry Finkel.” One look at Trudy’s face told me that Sherry was more than a “friend.” I shook her hand and almost welcomed her to the family, but I had learned a long time ago not to invest too much meaning in Trudy’s “friends.” My niece was, to put it mildly, fickle in her romantic choices. Not that I could talk – I was on husband number two, who was probably propping up the wet bar in the basement rec room. He wasn’t usually a drinker, but family gatherings – my family, in any case – sent him right to the nearest liquor bottle.

“Come, walk with me. I’m about to meet a new relative. Sherry, you come, too. I’m dying to see my sister’s face when Trudy introduces you. I’m guessing you haven’t met her mother yet. By the way, my mother – Trudy’s grandmother – will love you on sight.”

As we made our way across the room, I recited Aunt Rose’s story for a second time. We were in sight of the small group when Trudy exclaimed, “That girl looks just like you did at that age, Aviva.”

“Here are my daughter and sister,” Jean said to Rose as we got to them. “You still need to meet my son Larry. He’s probably downstairs.”

We kissed cheeks, and I excused myself as I took Sammy aside. “There’s something I want you to see. Let’s go downstairs.”

As I suspected, my husband Keith and nephew Larry had plunked themselves down in a couple of recliners, beers in hand, watching some sport or other on TV. I waved when they looked up, and took Sammy over to the couch. On the wall behind the couch were an array of family pictures, including a grouping, in chronological order, of all my school pictures from kindergarten through high school. “Take a good look, Sammy. Do you notice anything?”

“We look alike! Wait, I’ll be right back!”

True to her word, she was back in a minute or two. “Look!” She handed me a school picture. “Bubbe always carries my latest school picture with her.” She counted the pictures on the wall. “This must be you in seventh grade, right?”

I nodded and looked at the picture she’d handed me. The clothes had changed – she was wearing a v-necked t-shirt decorated with sequins; I was wearing a button-down white blouse with a Peter Pan color – and her hair was curlier and redder than mine, but we definitely looked like twins.

“I wonder if Bubbe can handle the stairs?”

I stood on the couch and took the picture off the wall. “No need. We’ll bring the mountain to Mohammed.” At her puzzled look, I explained the allusion.

Aunt Rose’s eyes lit up as she compared the two pictures. “Oy, Samele, and you thought you were alone except for me. See, I told you we have family, and a history.” She turned to me. “Do you know where the red hair and green eyes come from?”

“No, I often wondered. When I was little, I used to say, ‘From the milkman,’ and never understood why everyone laughed.”

“Your father’s father and my husband were brothers. Their father, Shimon – your father Sy was named for him, and so was Sammy – had bright red hair. I think some of his children did, too, but not your father or his uncle. But it showed up in you, and in Sammy here. See, Sammy, you do belong.”

March 1, 2011

“For several years, I kept in touch with Sammy, first as a pen pal, then through e-mail. We still write sporadically. I think she’s in LA now, or maybe San Francisco. Somewhere in California, anyway, working as a journalist. I’m going to check Facebook; I’m sure she’s on there, too.”

“I remember the incident, now. I had completely forgotten. My most vivid memory of the shivah was Mom’s reaction to Sherry. How many years did it take her – seventeen, eighteen? – to finally accept that we were a couple and not roommates? But now I’ll have an even better memory – the name Shimon was given to Zayde Simon and now to my daughter Simone. Make sure when you talk to Sammy, you let her know that she really does have a family.”

SOURCES OF INSPIRATION

Originally posted by me on Patricia Stoltey’s blog in August, 2001.

Every author who has ever appeared in public for a reading or a signing has been asked the inevitable “Where do you get your ideas?” question.
Mine come from two main sources: the news (“Gee, that’s interesting. I wonder what would happen if . . . “); and the shower (“How am I ever going to get Aviva out of this corner I wrote her into? Oh, I know . . . “).
I can now add a third: sleep.
Many years ago, I took a graduate course on creativity (mainly because I figured it would be an easy A; I got an A, but it wasn’t easy). I had long known my creative impulses come from my unconscious or, perhaps, subconscious mind. I don’t outline. I don’t write numerous drafts, tear them up, and start over. I come up with an idea and then let it simmer for a while. By the time I sit down to write (in grad school, on a portable Selectric typewriter – yes, I remember when it was state of the art – now on whatever computer isn’t being used by my younger son to create movie videos to upload to YouTube), the words flow. Okay, they sometimes sputter, but I just type anyway, seemingly without any conscious thought. The creativity course confirmed what I had already known about my writing process.
It used to drive my undergrad math major friends crazy that I could sit at my typewriter (a manual at that time) the night before a paper was due with no outline, just a pile of books with slips of paper, and a pad of yellow legal paper with cryptic notes (some of which I couldn’t decipher) in front of me. I would then proceed to knock out the paper within a couple of hours, pass in the first draft, and get an A. But I had probably been thinking about my topic since the professor gave us the assignment, done all the reading, and made all those enigmatic notes. By the time I sat down at the typewriter, the entire paper existed in my mind. I just had to get it out of there through my fingers on the keyboard and onto the paper.
Yes, I still write that way. And, yes, I’ve written this blog entry that way.
So, back to how I have been inspired while asleep.
The other night, at about 2:00 AM, I woke up with a sentence in my head. Just one sentence. And a fairly nonsensical one, too. I’ve no idea where it came from. And I had no idea where it would lead.
For the next few hours, I tossed and turned while “what if’s” and “how about’s” filled in the blanks. By the time I fell asleep, the alarm was about to go off. I felt fairly useless at work all day, but I had a complete short story in my head.
Of course, it’s not as simple as I tell it. I plunked myself down in front of the laptop that afternoon and began typing. Fortunately, I remembered the first line. And the second. Then the rest of the story followed. Well, about half of it did anyway. At some point, I got bored, re-read what I had written, realized it wasn’t hopelessly bad, but it did need a lot of tweaking. Okay, it needed some heavy duty editing and rewriting. But at least it hadn’t gone the way of most sleep-inspired ideas, into the ether never to be retrieved again.
I haven’t looked at the story now for about a week. It needs time in the slow cooker, aka, my brain. But when I do get back to it, I know the words will be there.

 

UPDATE: Yes, I did get back to the story. Yes, the words – some of them anyway – were there. Yes, I finished the story. I even submitted it to a couple of short story competitions. It didn’t win, but the comments were encouraging. If it doesn’t win a contest or get published, I will probably post it here.

WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW – AND KNOW WHAT YOU WRITE

Written in March, 2010, for the site Creatures ‘n’ Crooks (aka Buried under Books):

I have a lot of pet peeves: young women in spiked heels and miniskirts who park in handicap spots; spiked heels; miniskirts; young women who can wear spiked heels and miniskirts; clothes that need to be ironed; toilet paper that rolls under instead of over; spending a lot of money to see a critically acclaimed movie only to realize partway through that I wouldn’t watch it for free on TV; finding out that the shipping and handling charges cost more than the item I want to buy; clothing in petite lengths that still need to be hemmed; mosquito bites; exercise; trying to figure out Amazon’s rankings; discovering that Trader Joe’s has stopped carrying one of my favorites. You know, the usual.

High on my list of things that irk me is poor grammar. “He don’t,” “between you and I,” and “different than” set my teeth on edge. (I also dislike clichés, but in this case, my teeth really do clench.) In writing, the confusion between “it’s” and “its,” and “their,” “there,” and “they’re” (hard to distinguish when spoken) drive me up a wall. (Okay, that’s a cliché that I can’t justify using, but it is descriptive.)

Then there are the inaccuracies that have been known to make me stop reading a book. If I’m near the end of a mystery and still haven’t figured out whodunit or why, I keep reading, although I’ll flip back to the offending passage every few minutes and reread it, in case it has changed in the meantime. On my website, I listed a few of the more egregious errors that I’ve read in books by well-known bestselling authors:

* In one book, the author describes the character’s navel ring by using the exact words (something like “her belly button winked”) several times. The first time was cute, the second was an error. By the third and fourth times, it was just annoying.

* A first person narrator approaches a victim who has been shot in the chest and is lying on his back. The narrator then describes what is on the back of the victim’s jacket.

* A woman is hit on the back of the head and falls backwards.

* A Jewish writer describes the holiday of Sukkot as occurring a month after Pesach and lasting two days. (Sukkot is in the fall, after the High Holy Days, and lasts eight days; Shavuot is seven weeks after Pesach and lasts two days.)

I am not infallible. There were several errors in my first book, a cozy mystery called Chanukah Guilt, which escaped the careful readings of a manuscript editor, a copy editor, and the author. Some were caught before publication, but one is still in the book. In fact, I didn’t even notice it until I had read the passage out loud at a book signing – three or four times.

But I do try to be accurate. One of the first rules of writing, according to the ubiquitous they, is “write what you know.” And I did. My protagonist is a rabbi in Southern New Jersey. She is short, beyond zaftig, has unruly red hair, was born and raised in Boston, and is in her fifties (all of which describes me, except I’m now quite a bit older than I was when I first created Rabbi Aviva Cohen; I’ve also learned how to tame my hair somewhat, as will she eventually). Want to know what Aviva looks like? Just look at me. People who know me say they can hear my voice when they read the book.

But there are differences, too. Aviva is a pulpit rabbi; I have mostly worked in Jewish education or non-profit organizations, serving in a part-time pulpit for a few years only when I returned to school for a doctorate in education. She has been married and divorced twice; I have been married to the same man, my first, last, and only husband, for almost thirty-four years. She has no children; I have two sons. Her father died several years earlier and her mother, in her nineties, lives in an assisted living facility in Boston; my parents are in their early eighties, considered the “young elderly” these days, and live independently in a single-family house in Florida. She has an older sister; I’m an only child.

I try to avoid the kind of errors that bother me when I read them in other books. Chanukah Guilt takes place when Chanukah began right after Thanksgiving. The last time this confluence of dates occurred was in 2002.  I needed a snow storm. It is not unheard of (or even usual) for there to be an early winter snow storm in the Philadelphia area. So I checked http://www.wunderground.com/history/ and, yes, it did snow on the date I needed. And if it hadn’t snowed then? I would have written the scene anyway, but someone might have noticed the error and . . .  horrors! . . . stopped reading. And never read a book of mine again.

I also keep the International Movie Database (http://www.imdb.com) on my favorites list, so I can make sure Aviva isn’t going to a movie that hadn’t yet premiered or watching a TV show that had already been canceled. (I really keep it on my favorites list because I’m a movie geek, but saying it’s for research is more intellectually pretentious.) For the second book, Unleavened Dead, Aviva has little time to do anything but go to a conference, prepare for Passover, try to clear her niece’s partner from suspicion that she had murdered her new boss (who had fired her) in a hit-and-run accident, and wonder if a carbon monoxide leak that had killed a couple in her congregation had really been an accident. But just in case she has insomnia and decides to watch late night TV, I can check to see what was being aired in late March-early April, 2004. Or I can forgo the research and have her watch a DVD instead.

The moral: if you can’t be accurate, be plausible.